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Showing posts with label Communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Communication. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Rihinna is a hypocrite. Exploiting Domestic Violence?
Exploiting Domestic Violence? Did we really need this to know she is a fake and hypocrite? Her first song back was Eminems song about abuse and being burned to death and she says she “loves the way it hurts”. And every time on tv she is clearly drunk or stoned.
http://townhall.com/columnists/brentbozell/2011/05/27/exploiting_domestic_violence
http://townhall.com/columnists/brentbozell/2011/05/27/exploiting_domestic_violence
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Thursday, August 13, 2009
People Skills More Important Than Technical Skills
I often coach and teach people that your ability to deal effectively with people contributes greater to your success than your technical ability, especially as a leader. This is supported in a recent survey listed in Training Magazine:
When training participants were asked about the types of courses that would greatly increase their effectiveness at work.
1. Leadership skills
2. Dealing with conflict or difficult people
3. Technical knowledge related to my job
http://www.trainingmag.com/msg/content_display/publications/e3idb69280d465a66a25701da301b2a2d11
When training participants were asked about the types of courses that would greatly increase their effectiveness at work.
1. Leadership skills
2. Dealing with conflict or difficult people
3. Technical knowledge related to my job
http://www.trainingmag.com/msg/content_display/publications/e3idb69280d465a66a25701da301b2a2d11
Friday, May 29, 2009
The Platinum Rule
One of the top comments I get from managers and leaders I work with is, “Mark, today’s young people don’t have a work ethic”. My response to that is, YES they do, they just don’t have YOURS. If you are going to be an effective leader it means understanding how different generations think, how they communicate, what motivates THEM. Too many of us were brought up with the old Golden Rule mentality – Treat people the way you want to be treated. That is exactly the reason we have so many relationship and communication issues. Not everyone wants the same things as you or me.
In some organizations today we are dealing with three, four and even five generations. And then you factor in the four different personality/behavioral styles of the people in our lives. It’s important to be multi-lingual, and I don’t mean by ethnicity. To effectively lead people you must understand the wants, needs, desires and communication style of each generation and personality style, then speak THEIR language. It means dropping the golden rule and adopting the platinum rule – Treat people the way THEY want to be treated.
Feel free to contact me if you would like to learn more about personality styles or working with different generations. Here are a few helpful links for dealing with Generation Y (born between the years of 1982 and 2000 and are currently ages 7-26)
Managing Generation Y
Managing Generation Y as They Change the Workforce
Communicating with Twentysomethings
A Boomer's Guide to Communicating with Gen X and Gen Y
Gen Y v. Boomers: Generational Differences in Communication
In some organizations today we are dealing with three, four and even five generations. And then you factor in the four different personality/behavioral styles of the people in our lives. It’s important to be multi-lingual, and I don’t mean by ethnicity. To effectively lead people you must understand the wants, needs, desires and communication style of each generation and personality style, then speak THEIR language. It means dropping the golden rule and adopting the platinum rule – Treat people the way THEY want to be treated.
Feel free to contact me if you would like to learn more about personality styles or working with different generations. Here are a few helpful links for dealing with Generation Y (born between the years of 1982 and 2000 and are currently ages 7-26)
Managing Generation Y
Managing Generation Y as They Change the Workforce
Communicating with Twentysomethings
A Boomer's Guide to Communicating with Gen X and Gen Y
Gen Y v. Boomers: Generational Differences in Communication
Thursday, April 16, 2009
There is NO "gray area"
A good article on sexual assault and date rape however i take issue with the title, "A New Kind of Date Rape". NOTHING NEW ABOUT IT! And there are NO gray areas as she calls it. You either have consent, which is a YES. Or you dont!
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/sex/new-kind-of-date-rape?
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/sex/new-kind-of-date-rape?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Just talk to me!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Change
The Change Report, based on 1306 online interviews conducted by Southeastern Institute of Research has a lot to say about interpersonal communication and relationships so I thought I'd post a few items based on this report. The part of this research that has been highlighted by the press is its survey of the top fears that people have now and had in 1967 (when the Social Readjustment Rating Scale was published). There are some interesting differences and although the researchers caution that statistical comparisons should not be made, they do note that the findings can be interpreted as relative and directional. [Respondents were asked to give a numerical value (from 1 to 100) to a variety of stressful events.] In 1967 the death of a spouse was rated 100 but in 2007 it was rated 80. The death of a friend, on the other hand, showed a different direction. In 1967 it was 37 but in 2007 it was 58.Also interesting was the rating given to divorce--in 1967 it received a rating of 73 but in 2007 it had dropped to 66. It seems relationship stressors are easier to navigate today than they were in 1967.On the other hand, stress from being laid off from a job went from 47 in 1967 to 62 in 2007 and changing job field went from 36 in 1967 to 47 in 2007. It seems that job stressors are getting worse.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
How hard would it be to smile?
I was at the post office to pay for my PO Box. The woman behind the counter looked at me as I waited for her to finish with the gentleman in front of me. Although she looked directly at me, she did not in any way acknowledge me. No smile, no "hi," no "I will be right with you." Not even a nod.
How did this make me feel? VERY unimportant. VERY invisible. The strange thing is that she did look at me. How hard would it have been to add some sort of human contact to make me feel welcome? Literally she might have had to make the slight physical effort to raise the corners of her lips into a smile. Or move the muscles in her neck to nod. But seriously not much effort at all.
So why didn't she do it? My guess is that no one, not her bosses or her customers ever bothered to let her know the impact of her inaction. Probably no one taught her how to be kind and welcoming. In fact no one ever spent anytime helping her understand the importance of greeting her customer.
Just because she is a civil servant doesn't mean that we residents aren't her customers. And ALL customers (no matter what you call them: clients, patrons, patients, guest, buyer, member, or enrollee) deserve your warm greeting.
Start paying attention to how you are treated. As you become more aware of how you are treated it will be easier to judge how well you are doing with greeting your customer. And if you are a manager, start training your employees on what a good greeting looks and sounds like. Then reward them when they do it correctly.
How did this make me feel? VERY unimportant. VERY invisible. The strange thing is that she did look at me. How hard would it have been to add some sort of human contact to make me feel welcome? Literally she might have had to make the slight physical effort to raise the corners of her lips into a smile. Or move the muscles in her neck to nod. But seriously not much effort at all.
So why didn't she do it? My guess is that no one, not her bosses or her customers ever bothered to let her know the impact of her inaction. Probably no one taught her how to be kind and welcoming. In fact no one ever spent anytime helping her understand the importance of greeting her customer.
Just because she is a civil servant doesn't mean that we residents aren't her customers. And ALL customers (no matter what you call them: clients, patrons, patients, guest, buyer, member, or enrollee) deserve your warm greeting.
Start paying attention to how you are treated. As you become more aware of how you are treated it will be easier to judge how well you are doing with greeting your customer. And if you are a manager, start training your employees on what a good greeting looks and sounds like. Then reward them when they do it correctly.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Dealing With Difficult People
It seems the past few weeks I have had a few clients want to talk about dealing with difficult people. Whether it is a customer, employee or boss difficult people can be hard to handle.
Here are a few tips that may help the conversation go a little smoother the next time you encounter a difficult person:
Stay focused on the situation, issue or the behavior, not the person.
It is easy to get pulled into focusing on the person. So examine your intention. Your intention will drive where you focus. If your intention is to get even for the way you were treated or to make sure you win, you will be focused on the person. Your goal is to stay focused on the issue or behavior not the person.
Pick the right place and time.
I have a belief that it is better to praise in public and criticizes in private. I also believe the timing is very important. If it is a big issue or going to have an impact on others, address it as soon as possible. Otherwise it might be better to wait until the other party has calmed down to address the issue.
Don't assume.
Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Ask questions to help you really identify the problem or discover what happened.
Prepare for defensiveness.
Whenever dealing with difficult people, it's important to anticipate that they may become defensive. It is also helpful for you not to take it personally when they do. Getting caught off guard could be a challenging situation. So anticipate how the other person might respond. Think through how you might respond if the other person gets angry and/or verbally attacks you.
Here are a few tips that may help the conversation go a little smoother the next time you encounter a difficult person:
Stay focused on the situation, issue or the behavior, not the person.
It is easy to get pulled into focusing on the person. So examine your intention. Your intention will drive where you focus. If your intention is to get even for the way you were treated or to make sure you win, you will be focused on the person. Your goal is to stay focused on the issue or behavior not the person.
Pick the right place and time.
I have a belief that it is better to praise in public and criticizes in private. I also believe the timing is very important. If it is a big issue or going to have an impact on others, address it as soon as possible. Otherwise it might be better to wait until the other party has calmed down to address the issue.
Don't assume.
Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Ask questions to help you really identify the problem or discover what happened.
Prepare for defensiveness.
Whenever dealing with difficult people, it's important to anticipate that they may become defensive. It is also helpful for you not to take it personally when they do. Getting caught off guard could be a challenging situation. So anticipate how the other person might respond. Think through how you might respond if the other person gets angry and/or verbally attacks you.
10 Ways to Deal with People in Difficult Situations
Here are some suggested tips for handling difficult people. Use only the ones you feel comfortable with and you think will work with the person:
1. Keep the conversation focused on the issue, situation or the behavior not the person.
2. Make sure your non-verbal and verbal languages are congruent.
3. Try to talk with them during their best times of the day.
4. If a difficult issue must be discussed, speak with them in private.
5. Determine their STYLE of communications based on personality style. Then adjust your communicate accordingly.
6. PRACTICE - Rehearse before you interact by anticipating the reactions and preparing responses.
7. Set personal limits on what you will put up with and when merited share them.
8. Don't always take their remarks or dislikes personally.
9. Keep your cool! Keep a positive attitude and lead by example.
10.Remember you're in charge. Assess if it is possible to continue the discussion. If not, suggest continuing this conversation at a specified later time.
Friday, July 11, 2008
The Power of Communicating a Little Information: Inform the airlines
While I was hostage at the airport recently, waiting on my cancelled 5:30 flight, then waiting for my rebooked 8:30 flight, which then finally left at 10:35 (argh), I couldn’t help notice how airline agents handled the disgruntled travelers. Some do well. Others have difficulty offering an outright apology—an expression of “We’re concerned because we made a mistake/did something wrong.” Agents personally, of course, do not make such decisions to cancel flights. But airlines send them to the “front lines” to represent the company without equipping them with the right message or the right attitude.
There was no weather problem. Neither was there a mechanical problem. Passengers were left to guess why the first flight was cancelled (flight not full; unprofitable, probably). No explanation about delays on the second flight either—except “waiting on a plane.” No reason they couldn’t announce to us 200, plus passengers standing around the gate when that plane was expected to arrive and take off again. This same thing happens many times while sitting on the plane for extended periods. Just tell us why we are sitting there.
As the various agents grew more nonchalant and/or sullen about answering questions, the passengers grew angrier and angrier.
Failure to admit mistakes and poor service leads to outrage. Failure to express concern leads to bitterness. Survivors, even dying victims, forgive mistakes; they don’t forgive unconcern.
Here are a few guidelines I teach in my people skills and communication programs:
Admit or report problems and mistakes immediately.
Delay only compounds the problem—for yourself and others involved to correct the problem or control the consequences.
Focus on resolution.
Rather than wringing your hands about a situation, direct all energy to solving the problem yourself or suggesting solutions to others who must implement them.
Offer explanation to restore confidence.
Because people are not mind-readers, you have to explain why you made the judgment call you did, why the error happened, or your reasoning behind your actions. Such explanations restore confidence because people understand mistakes. In the absence of information, it’s human nature to assume the worst about the details of a mistake (for example, that you are careless or a poor decision maker).
Express regret about the outcome/situation.
Even if things are not your fault, you can express sincere regret over the situation without accept liability.
Be specific.
Make clear statements with specific details that show you understand the severity (or potential severity) of the situation/problem. Avoid global, blanket apologies such as “I’m sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you.” Such vague statements are interpreted to mean, “I have no idea what kind of problem I caused, but if you want an apology, here it is.” This merely incites bosses, customers, and colleagues further.
Concern connects people. In whatever situation—from product recall to layoffs to employee illness to accident victims to stressed travelers—there’s tremendous power in communicating concern. Somebody should tell the airlines—at least until Congress acts and gets this mess fixed with a passenger bill of rights.
There was no weather problem. Neither was there a mechanical problem. Passengers were left to guess why the first flight was cancelled (flight not full; unprofitable, probably). No explanation about delays on the second flight either—except “waiting on a plane.” No reason they couldn’t announce to us 200, plus passengers standing around the gate when that plane was expected to arrive and take off again. This same thing happens many times while sitting on the plane for extended periods. Just tell us why we are sitting there.
As the various agents grew more nonchalant and/or sullen about answering questions, the passengers grew angrier and angrier.
Failure to admit mistakes and poor service leads to outrage. Failure to express concern leads to bitterness. Survivors, even dying victims, forgive mistakes; they don’t forgive unconcern.
Here are a few guidelines I teach in my people skills and communication programs:
Admit or report problems and mistakes immediately.
Delay only compounds the problem—for yourself and others involved to correct the problem or control the consequences.
Focus on resolution.
Rather than wringing your hands about a situation, direct all energy to solving the problem yourself or suggesting solutions to others who must implement them.
Offer explanation to restore confidence.
Because people are not mind-readers, you have to explain why you made the judgment call you did, why the error happened, or your reasoning behind your actions. Such explanations restore confidence because people understand mistakes. In the absence of information, it’s human nature to assume the worst about the details of a mistake (for example, that you are careless or a poor decision maker).
Express regret about the outcome/situation.
Even if things are not your fault, you can express sincere regret over the situation without accept liability.
Be specific.
Make clear statements with specific details that show you understand the severity (or potential severity) of the situation/problem. Avoid global, blanket apologies such as “I’m sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you.” Such vague statements are interpreted to mean, “I have no idea what kind of problem I caused, but if you want an apology, here it is.” This merely incites bosses, customers, and colleagues further.
Concern connects people. In whatever situation—from product recall to layoffs to employee illness to accident victims to stressed travelers—there’s tremendous power in communicating concern. Somebody should tell the airlines—at least until Congress acts and gets this mess fixed with a passenger bill of rights.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Ever Wish You Could Say It Over?
Have you ever lay awake at night—almost all night—and replayed a conversation in your head over and over and over and over? For a long while, I thought I was the only one who did that. Then I heard others admit they did it, too. Then yesterday I heard a lawyer friend of mine admit the habit to a group of colleagues.
You hear the entire exchange in instant replay—but not exactly. Your part of the dialogue changes. You redraft your responses. They get better, wiser, funnier, more cavalier, spontaneous, more patient, firmer, less aggressive, more resigned. Finally, they’re tuned to perfection. Then you ache for the opportunity to redo the dialogue in real life.
Most of the time that second chance never comes around—at least, not in exactly the same circumstance with the same person. But that doesn’t mean the all-nighter wasn’t worth the thought. Why?
Success in all parts of life is about communication. A Google Search on the single word communication turns up 320,000,000 results. In the workplace alone, your success at almost any endeavor correlates to your ability to communicate well, so you—and I—need all the practice we can get.
In paging through a couple management publications that talk about workplace communication, for example, we learn to
· survive a “pile it on” boss and leave the office with a focused list of priorities
· improve relationships while negotiating
· give “full-circle” feedback
· deliver more persuasive presentations
· show more empathetic responses as we listen
· avoid bull-dozer tendencies when leading
· end a customer or client conversation
· lead a team to listen to each other more effectively
· keep better meeting notes
· create more engaging copy for a website
· make better use of time on the phone
· neutralize win-lose discussions without breaking relationships
· criticize to some effect
· persuade others to change their behavior
· polish a professional image
· receive honest feedback
· introduce change and make it palatable
· deliver bad news with hope that bolsters morale
Communication—all of it. Unless you climb poles to repair power lines or toss pizza all day, it’s difficult to think of doing many jobs that don’t require core communication skills. Communicate well and you can master a job, influence a team, persuade a boss, win a client, build a business, create wealth, serve humankind, and move from success to significance.
Communicate poorly and your life fills with stress and unresolved problems just as surely as if you tried to patch a flat tire with bubble gum.
Make make communication improvement a habit. With every conversation, every meeting, every presentation, analyze and evaluate: Ask yourself: What went wrong? What went well? Why? What could or should I have said differently? What is the communication lesson learned?
You hear the entire exchange in instant replay—but not exactly. Your part of the dialogue changes. You redraft your responses. They get better, wiser, funnier, more cavalier, spontaneous, more patient, firmer, less aggressive, more resigned. Finally, they’re tuned to perfection. Then you ache for the opportunity to redo the dialogue in real life.
Most of the time that second chance never comes around—at least, not in exactly the same circumstance with the same person. But that doesn’t mean the all-nighter wasn’t worth the thought. Why?
Success in all parts of life is about communication. A Google Search on the single word communication turns up 320,000,000 results. In the workplace alone, your success at almost any endeavor correlates to your ability to communicate well, so you—and I—need all the practice we can get.
In paging through a couple management publications that talk about workplace communication, for example, we learn to
· survive a “pile it on” boss and leave the office with a focused list of priorities
· improve relationships while negotiating
· give “full-circle” feedback
· deliver more persuasive presentations
· show more empathetic responses as we listen
· avoid bull-dozer tendencies when leading
· end a customer or client conversation
· lead a team to listen to each other more effectively
· keep better meeting notes
· create more engaging copy for a website
· make better use of time on the phone
· neutralize win-lose discussions without breaking relationships
· criticize to some effect
· persuade others to change their behavior
· polish a professional image
· receive honest feedback
· introduce change and make it palatable
· deliver bad news with hope that bolsters morale
Communication—all of it. Unless you climb poles to repair power lines or toss pizza all day, it’s difficult to think of doing many jobs that don’t require core communication skills. Communicate well and you can master a job, influence a team, persuade a boss, win a client, build a business, create wealth, serve humankind, and move from success to significance.
Communicate poorly and your life fills with stress and unresolved problems just as surely as if you tried to patch a flat tire with bubble gum.
Make make communication improvement a habit. With every conversation, every meeting, every presentation, analyze and evaluate: Ask yourself: What went wrong? What went well? Why? What could or should I have said differently? What is the communication lesson learned?
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